PRALINE: Now how about this one. It was number five, wasn’t it? (Parrot nods) Number five, ram’s bladder cup. What kind of confection is this?
MILTON: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram’s bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds whipped into a fondue and garnished with lark’s vomit.
PRALINE: Lark’s vomit?
MILTON: Correct.
PRALINE: Well it don’t say nothing about that here.
MILTON: Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.

COMPERE: Harry Baggot, you're from Luton?
HARRY: Yes, Arthur, yeah.
COMPERE: Now Harry, what made you first want to try and start summarizing Proust?
HARRY: Well I first entered a seaside Summarizing Proust Competition when I was on holiday in Bournemouth, and my doctor encouraged me with it.
COMPERE: And Harry, what are your hobbies outside summarizing?
HARRY: Well, strangling animals, golf and masturbating.

Judge: Michael Norman Randall, you have been found guilty of the murder of Arthur Reginald Webster, Charles Patrick Trumpington, Marcel Agnes Bernstein, Lewis Anona Rudd, John Malcolm Kerr, Nigel Sinclair Robinson, Norman Arthur Potter, Felicity Jayne Stone, Jean-Paul Reynard, Rachel Shirley Donaldson, Stephen Jay Greenblatt, Karl-Heinz Mullet, Belinda Anne Ventham, Juan-Carlos Fernandez, Thor Olaf Stensgaard, Lord Kimberley of Pretoria, Lady Kimberley of Pretoria, The Right Honourable Nigel Warmsly Kimberley, Robert Henry Noonan and Felix James Bennett, on or about the morning of the 19th December 1972. Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?

Randall: Yes, sir. I'm very sorry.

Silly Walks Applicant: Uh, well sir, I-I-I I have got a silly walk and I'd like to obtain government backing to help me develop it.

Silly Walks Director: I see. Well, may I see this silly walk of yours?

Silly Walks Applicant: Oh, yes, certainly.

Silly Walks Director: Yes, I see, tha-tha-that's it, is it?

Silly Walks Applicant: Ah, well, yes, that's it.

Silly Walks Director: Yes, yes, yes. It's not particularly silly, is it?

Silly Walks Applicant: Well, ah-ah...

Silly Walks Director: I mean, the left leg isn't silly at all and the right leg merely does a four dare O'Brian half turn every alternate step.

Silly Walks Applicant: Yes, but I feel with a federal grant I could make it a lot more silly.

Silly Walks Director: Mr. Stagback, the very real problem is what I find out. You see, there's defense, education, housing, health, social security, silly walks. They're all supposed to get the same. But last year the government spent less on Silly Walks than they did on industrial organisation. We're supposed to get 348 millions pounds a year to cover our entire Silly Walks proposal. Coffee?

Silly Walks Applicant: Yes, please.

Silly Walks Director: Hello, uh, Mrs. Twolumps, uhm, could we have two cups of coffee, please.

Mrs. Twolumps: Yes, Mr. Teabag.

Presenter: Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, Brahms, Panties... I'm sorry. Schumann, Schubert, Mendelssohn and Bach. Names that will live for ever. But there is one composer whose name is never included with the greats.

Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden - schlitter - crasscrenbon - fried - digger - dangle - dungle - burstein -von - knacker - thrasher - apple - banger - horowitz - ticolensic - grander - knotty -spelltinkle - grandlich - grumblemeyer - spelterwasser - kürstlich - himbleeisen -bahnwagen - gutenabend - bitte - eine - nürnburger - bratwustle - gerspurten - mit -zweimache - luber - hundsfut - gumberaber - shönendanker - kalbsfleisch - mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?

To do justice to this man, thought by many to be the greatest name in German Baroque music, we present a profile of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden - schlitter - crasscrenbon - fried - digger - dangle - dungle - burstein -von - knacker - thrasher - apple - banger - horowitz - ticolensic - grander - knotty -spelltinkle - grandlich - grumblemeyer - spelterwasser - kürstlich - himbleeisen -bahnwagen - gutenabend - bitte - eine - nürnburger - bratwustle - gerspurten - mit -zweimache - luber - hundsfut - gumberaber - shönendanker - kalbsfleisch - mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.

We start with an interview with his only surviving relative Karl Gambolputty de von Ausfern... (fades out)

Is, uh... is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?

Palin: Hello, good evening and welcome to another edition of Blood, Devastation, Death War and Horror, and later on we'll be meeting a man who *does* gardening. But first on the show we've got a man who speaks entirely in anagrams.

Idle: Taht si crreoct.

Palin: Do you enjoy it?

Idle: I stom certainly od. Revy chum so.

Palin: And what's your name?

Idle: Hamrag - Hamrag Yatlerot.

Palin: Well, Graham, nice to have you on the show. Now, where do you come from?

Idle: Bumcreland.

Palin: Cumberland?

Idle: Stah't it sepricely.

Palin: And I believe you're working on an anagram version of Shakespeare?

Idle: Sey, sey - taht si crreoct, er - ta the mnemot I'm wroking on "The Mating of the Wersh".

Palin: "The Mating of the Wersh"? By William Shakespeare?

Idle: Nay, by Malliwi Rapesheake.

Palin: And what else?

Idle: "Two Netlemeng of Verona", "Twelfth Thing","The Chamrent of Venice"....

Palin: Have you done "Hamlet"?

Idle: "Thamle". 'Be ot or bot ne ot, tath is the nestquoi.'

Palin: And what is your next project?

Idle: "Ring Kichard the Thrid".

Palin: I'm sorry?

Idle: 'A shroe! A shroe! My dingkom for a shroe!'

Palin: Ah, Ring Kichard, yes... but surely that's not an anagram, that's a spoonerism.

Idle: If you're going to split hairs, I'm going to piss off.

Biggles: (into the intercom) Algy, I have to see you.
Algy: Right ho. (he enters) What ho everyone.
Biggles: Are you gay?
Algy: I should bally well say so, old fruit.
Biggles: Ugh! (he shoots him)